
Embrace Autism has a new post about eye contact that’s excellent:
For many autistics, reciprocal eye contact is the opposite of natural or effortless. In fact, when we engage with it, it is a very deliberate act and can often cause us distress. This is because the majority of autistics experience eye contact as a form of hyperarousal.
I’ve always experienced eye contact that way: often too intense. Especially if it’s someone I don’t know well, like on a first date, eye contact can make me feel exposed and vulnerable, like someone is staring into my soul. To this day I have to remind myself to make eye contact with strangers during small talk and groups during group interactions, because it’s hard sometimes.
Passing strangers on the sidewalk is A Whole Thing, because I never know when it’s appropriate to acknowledge them, smile, make eye contact, and/or even say hi (or all of the above?!). When I do offer a stranger a friendly smile and glance, sometimes they aren’t even looking at me! All of that energy wasted! (Maybe they’re autistic too, or just in a bad mood.)
Before I knew I was autistic, I worked in an office with a really long hallway. I struggled to know how to make appropriate eye contact with someone else approaching from the other end. How much eye contact is enough? Not enough? Too much?!
I was REALLY pleased with myself when I came up with a formula: if I see someone at the opposite end of the hallway, look at them for 10 seconds, look down for the next 10 seconds, and look back at them for the final 10 seconds before we passed each other. (I don’t know that it actually took 30 seconds to walk down this hallway, but it sure felt like it.)
Spoiler alert: PLANNING OUT your eye contact is NOT something neurotypicals do! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I’m so glad I know I’m autistic…and that I don’t work in that office building anymore.